The Dog Days Are Over.

Sorry, it's been too long!

Christmas is in the air. It's freezing outside and the lights are up.
This time of year, I always look back at the months past and ask myself what I've done with my life.

My answer at this point? Not very much. I've fallen from God, I'm not who I want to be.
But I'm starting to think I'll never be that person I've pictured. Maybe that's okay.

Things are changing, like they're supposed to, I guess. My friends are all growing up, and I am too. We aren't the innocent little girls searching for themselves that we used to be. I could sit around and cry because we've gotten older, but I've decided to just accept it.
I got my first piece of mail from a college the other day. It kind of scared me, seeing my name on the envelope. It was kind of like "hey, Anna! I'm your future, plan me!"
Maybe I'm just not ready.

But, regardless, I've been thinking about my future. I want my own choir, to be able to show them how music can speak louder than any words. I want to teach students how to use music as a crutch when their lives give out on them. Is that even teachable? I want to try.
Are there people out there that aren't moved by music at all? If there are, I want to stop it. Music is the best part of my day sometimes.

My brother is coming home this week. I love him, but I hope this break goes better than the last one.

I'm worried about my friends. They all are going off in different directions, and I can't protect them. I can't hurt for them, or make it better with a laugh. And that terrifies me. I can just watch them make their own decisions, just like I make mine.

My relationship-life is at a weird point. I'm not sure what I'm doing. Part of me is holding on to the past and things that have happened, plans I'd made. But another part of me wants to cut ties and jump into the water. I kind of feel like life is running away from me, and if I don't catch it soon, I'll be old and wondering what happened to it all.

I'm doing better with my self-worth issues. I'm able to look my reflection in th face, and not be ashamed. I can feel pretty again.

Everyone's been asking what I want for Christmas. And I've come up with an answer.

I want my friends to feel as beautiful as I see them. I want to make the world smile. I want a good book, and a will to be better.

So, if any of you could wrap that on up and send it, I'd be thankful.

Love to there and back again,
Anna