Life as I know it.

Hey there. It's been a while, so I'll fill you in on my life lately.

First off, my friends. We're reaching the end of our Junior year in highschool! Summer is right around the corner, and we're all planning away. But here is my reason for adding them to this post- I don't know if my group's dynamics are going to continue to work. We are all so very different, and that's always been sort of a conflict in some instances..but lately the dysfuntionality has become more apparent to me. Especially between one of my friends and the rest of them. Disagreements seem to be happening more and more..feelings are getting hurt, there's lying, sneaking around, and I'm afraid confrontation is unavoidable.
And I have no doubt that I'll be involved in said confrontation, because some of the feelings that are getting hurt belong to my friend Amber. Now I don't know why, but I've always been more protective of her than any of my other friends. I'm quite a mother hen with all of my bffs, but Amber especially. You just don't mess with her and let me hear about it. She's totally capable of taking care of herself, but it still angers me..

In other news, I'm single again. This is the part where everyone goes "Oh no, Anna, what happpened??" Well, I'll tell you. I happened. Me. I'm just mentally holding out for something, I think..something more than what I've found so far. I want a connection with somebody that I don't ever second guess. I don't ever want to find myself thinking "what if." I want to be sure. Does that make any sense? Probably not. But I'm just going to be by myself for a while, to better figure out what exactly it is that I want.
Next time I get into a relationship, I'm going to be 100%, no doubt at all, unquestionably sure that it's the right thing for me. I'm sick of hurting people all the time. My daddy referred to me as the "plague" the other day. He said I should write it on my forehead so guys won't get attached.
Maybe he's right. Maybe I should just join a convent and be done with all this. Or maybe I'm just wanting more than what I've found, and I just can't make myself settle.

I want camp SOO bad. Only one more month, exactly. I love those people so much, they see me as who I want to be.
I also need some serious down time with my best girls. Just movies, food, and nothing else to do. That's what I need to regain some of my sanity, I think.

Also, I need a spiritual re-charge. I've lost my connection with the Man Upstairs, it seems like. I'm just wandering around down here like a lost three year old. I feel like such a zombie Christian. You know the kind I'm talking about? The ones that go to church, pray out loud, and are dead the rest of the time. That's me. Some time with my best friends would help me in this aspect of my life, too.

College has started to loom over my head. It's going "stop goofing off in school, Anna. Figure out the rest of your life." Stressful.

My grandaddy just got diagnosed with cancer, to top everything off. He has at least one, possibly three, tumors in his intestinal tract. They're going to have to open him up like next week and try to get the things out. I think he can handle it, but my grandmama gets so confused whenever he isn't there. It's so scary..she doesn't know what's going on, where he went, who I am, where she is..nothing. He keeps her sane, and she just falls apart without him there. They've been married sixty years..they're like two halves of the same person now. All I can hope for is that grandaddy gets better soon and can come back home.

But I'm going to spend some quaality time with my parents.
Love you, thanks for reading.
Anna