A Prayer.

The sun's setting the world on fire.
The whole world thundering with the storm coming.
And I'm still here, so small.
Clutching my sins, always, tightly in my hands.
Knowing You see them, but never letting go.
Staying stone silent when I should be screaming out.

I want so much, yet I give so little.
Relinquishing only the bare minimum, and expecting my knight in shining armor.
It isn't fair,
But I can't seem to stop it.

Who knew this is where I'd be by now?
Still here. So small.
Holding onto the sickest parts of me, because I can't even picture myself without them now.

When I pray, I plead to God for others.
Others.
Because if I turn the conversation to me, my walls will come up.

It's so easy just to let them. To pretend that I'm in the right.
But You aren't letting me leave it.
Convicted isn't the word..
I'm a complete mess down here.

I can't see the road in front of me, because my arms are too full with the filth I won't let go of.
I can't help the people I love, because I'm weighed down with this guilt You've placed in my heart.

You're so big, so understanding.
But I'm still here,
So small.
Not comprehending, not letting go. Expecting the world while I won't give You any of mine.

Selfish, wrong.
You're right in front of me these days, but I feel like I keep trying to look through You.
Stop me, whatever it takes.
Fix me, I can't do it myself. As much as I've tried.

I once was lost,
Anna