Bucket list.

It hit me the other day that I've actually never written this down. No more.

These are in no particular order.

• Swim with dolphins.
• See a show on broadway.
• Walk a cobblestone street in England.
• Sing a lullaby to a baby in an orphanage. (shut up, you people laughing out there.)
• Go to an All Time Low concert.
• Sing in/ see Carnege Hall
• Sky dive.
• Send my mom on a cruise to Alaska.
• Parasail.
• Be a camp counselor.


That's all I've got so far. Note: this is not necessarily what I want OUT of my life. Just a few things I'd like to do during it. I think if I made a list of what I want out of life, it'd look something like this:

• happiness.

The end. And since the only way to be truly happy is to do what God tells me to, that's all I've gotta do. Right?
Oh, but if it were so easy. To say "Okay, God. Here are the reins of my life. I'll run where ever you want me to." and then actually be able to do it? Giving up control is what I struggle most with. I think "Nah, Jesus. I've got this." when I really have nothing at all.

Stepping outside of my little box of control is so scary for me. For example: at music camp, we took a class on Vocal Improv. All we had to do was make up nonsense and sing it. The first time, I just couldnt. It was like telling me to walk on my hands or something.
Same thing with my Christian walk. Letting go of MY control, MY plans. MY goals for my life. MY past.
God tells us to lay our heavy burdens on him. But 86% of the time I think I can carry it myself. I end up tripping and falling on my face. Duh. But do I learn? No.
God has broken me over and over again on this exact same thing. He's done all but put a big flashing "STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY JOB" sign in front of my face. And yet, here I sit. Trying to be my own boss.

It's just a matter of time before I'm on my face again.

When I'm there, maybe I'll look up and get smart.

Until then,
Love x3.
Anna