To Make You Feel My Love.

I used to be scared of being alone.

I can remember being really young..watching the moon out of the car window as we went wherever we were going. I was so terrified that we'd outrun it. I had these horrible visions that we'd just go so fast that the moon couldn't catch up, and it'd get smaller and smaller until I couldn't see it anymore.

I didn't know what it would be like, not having it there anymore. But it was so scary to me. What if it couldn't see me? Would I still even be here? Would I fall off of the world, if the moon left?

Whenever I'd play pretend in my woods..I made like I was the queen of some kind of woodland palace. The sticks and rocks and spiderwebs were all my court..mine.

I went out to that same spot today, and it was so quiet. The rocks and sticks seemed so much smaller. My throne just looked like a log, the floqwers had stopped blooming a long time ago. The ditch that ran through was all dried up, the waterfalls I'd made had filled up.
It was so strange. Like the pretend wasn't real anymore. I sat there for a while, trying to get everything to come alive again. But it all stayed quiet.

I was alone, and it wasn't scary.

I was fine. A little sad, but okay. The scariness wasn't there. I listened to the quiet and I took it in stride. I wasn't afraid to be alone with myself anymore. The thoughts I'd tried so hard, in the past, to keep out of my head weren't so huge after all. I'd beaten them.

I realized that the reason I went down there so much as a child was to escape my house. My life, the reality of it. I was scared of the moon vanishing because it made me feel like there was somebody paying attention to me.

Now that I've gotten older, I've got a new moon. A new safe place, a new refuge.

And being alone with myself isn't so bad,
because my safe place lives in me now.

The trees may not come alive, I may not see the moon like I used to. But my peace is in me. I found it in the form of the One who created all those things I put such stock in as a child.

How cool is that? That it's still in a way the place I went to hide whenever I was young. But so much bigger.

Still the forest queen,
Lovelovelove,
Anna