Bittersweet day.

*exhales*
Today was another very long day. It started off bad.. I woke to my brother and sister screaming at each other. As the day went on, things got better. I saw one of my best friends that I hadn't seen in forever, which was great.
Then things turned bad again. My brother got baptized tonight, so we were cleaning up before the preacher came. My brother started being nearly intolerable, and pushed my sister to tears.

People don't understand why he is the way he is. Heck, I don't even fully understand. He has terrible ADHD, and has been on medicine his whole life. Some days he's fine, other days he makes me want to hate him. Which I can't do, of course, but still.

The preacher came and baptized him, and things have been pretty quiet since then.

I have to go take care of my grandaddy tomorrow. I also have piano, which I haven't practiced since last week. I was supposed to learn two new songs, but I kept putting it off. Tomorrow I go back, and I can't even practice beforehand because there isn't a piano at my grandparent's house.

On top of all that, my other friend expects me to eat lunch with her tomorrow, which would leave absolutely no time to practice anything, unless I wake up at about five a.m. So either she'll be mad at me, or my piano teacher will. Have I mentioned that I hate people being mad at me? Because I do.

I'm almost ready for school to start back. My mama tells me my lessons are "just for the summer" and I can "tolerate it until school starts". Plus, school gives me a schedule. I do better with schedules, obviously.

On another note, I hate asking my parents to let me do things. Because I know that they'll either say no, or hold it over my head for at least a week. And Mama, especially. She acts so pained when I ask to go somewhere. She'll grimace and go "Anna, now...". Which is followed by her guilt triping me into saying "well, if you really would rather I not go..", to which she responds "I'd rather you just stay home today. You and -insert name- can do something next week."
It's a depressing dialogue that I've memorized by heart. When I do insist on going, she throws up her hands and then it's "fine! Go! But don't expect to go anywhere else for the rest of the week!!"

-.-

And that is the story of my life. My friends think I hate them because my parents keep refusing to let me go anywhere.
Typing all this nearly makes me cry, but I can probably blame that on hormones.

I probably won't sleep much tonight. Having so many thoughts in one's head can be distressing. It also makes it very hard to chill out long enough to get to sleep.

I'll do my devotion, then I'll probably read a while.

Thanks for listening!
Always,
Anna