In My Chrysalis.

Anna
Chrysalis Flight #102
Day 3

"So since I'm separated from my blog, I think I'll write down my thoughts and transfer them later. Maybe.

Last night I was so conflicted. I hated this place, what it was doing to me. I wrestled with God so hard, the last thing I wanted to do was admit my sin.

The speaker called for the invitation, and I literally had to force myself to not run out of the room. Just busting out of the doors and running all the way home. I couldn't handle it. I honestly don't know why, but I had such a reaction. I hated God and how He was tearing me up. I was sick of always being the good one, the noble one. I was ready to denouce Him completely.

But then there was today.
God shut my face. Gave me every sign I could've asked for and then some. I told God last night that I was done, and He spent all day today shouting at me: No you aren't.

There is so much love here. I've never hugged so many people in my life. I had such hostility in my heart for no reason. I ran away from God because I couldn't see Him anymore..only because I wasn't looking.
I woke up this morning ready to hate every bit of God that came my way. But I couldn't.

Running, turning away isn't the answer. Ever.

Being without my phone has been such a blessing. Forcing me into quiet time like never before.

Tomorrow I'll be a butterfly. And I'm going to let it change my life..because I had no choice. I'm at a crossroads. Either get serious about my faith or walk away. Because my body cannot physically take this lukewarm spirit anymore. I've grown actually sick of myself.

So it's decision time. And I'm siding with the only thing that's ever saved me.

De Colores,
With all the love that's left,
Anna"